Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
