On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
