Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
