just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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