He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
try to milk me bitch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
