Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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