You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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