I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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