I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
