Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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