She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
