So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
