Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
