Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
