It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
