you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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