got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
