At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
