I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
