just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
