I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
