id be glad to
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
