Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
