you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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