You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
