The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
