help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
