WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
