the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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