my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just had sex bonerless
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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