just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
