matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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