I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
