I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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