Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
