I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
