Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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