you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
