some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
