Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
