I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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