I accidentally burped into my bong.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I believe in your delicious
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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