based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
