Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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