If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
