I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Couch. On fire.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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