I think i peed on brittanys purse
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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