I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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