She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
