I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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