We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
