I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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