She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
