I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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