the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
