I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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