yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
