Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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