yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
