I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When are your genitals available?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
