he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
