Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
