When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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