I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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