I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
