she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
