I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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