The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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