I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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