So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
