When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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