If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
