thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
