Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
