I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
