You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
