It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
