She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize