I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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