Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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