chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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