the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
