After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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