They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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