when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
