I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
