So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
