He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
