i think my mom watched the whole time
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
