you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
