Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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