He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
